Saturday, January 14, 2012

HAPPY, New Year! Transitioning and moving on.

Yes, it's a new year, and I'm quite happy, but it goes beyond that, WAY, beyond that. It's been one full year since the collapse of my marriage. A day I hoped would never happen, a day that had been coming for quite some time, but whose deadline had been pushed back on several occasion's.

I was really hurt and put into a position I didn't want. My girls no longer had a full time father, my dogs went up for adoption and I left most of what I had accumulated in 12 years, behind. I also found myself, thrust into the 21st century, all by my lonesome. I wallowed in the loneliness, a bit, but quickly found solace, when I turned around and found God, whom I had left standing in that very spot, was waiting there, with open arms, to give me the love and understanding I needed.

I've found that though I have a great relationship with God, I tend to put that relationship on the back burner, when involved in romantic relationships. The problem with this is, God is the one that gives me all the Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. The very things that make me so attractive, beyond good looks. These are the qualities that make me beautiful, inside and out. So when i pause my relationship with God, I also leave these gifts, behind, leaving me on my own, where, when i start relying on ME, things start to fall apart. At which point I call upon The Lord, then slowly put Him on the back burner, once again.

This cycle has gone on, since I can remember, but this time, my focus is changing. Over this past year, I've read more about, and bonded more with God. I've given up some really, really bad habits and have concentrated on becoming the best Stephen and Dad, I can be.

After separating on Jan 11, 2011, receiving the divorce papers a month later and the divorce being finalized on Aug 19, 2011, I'd say I was bowled over. The only good part about this whole situation, is that we made the decision to share the responsibility for our Children, equally. That means that I get them for a week, and she gets them for a week, and since we only live about 3 miles apart, this is working out great.

The only problem is the girls are now going through many painful issue's, due to this divorce. So now, being who I am, I refuse to comfort them with trips, toys or any other distractions, that tend to put off dealing with hurt. I have had a more direct approach, just by being alone with them, talking, watching movies, learning how to be a good Dad in a girl world and being a part of their lives, more-so now, than I was before. Not doing this in an unrealistic way that won't last, but taking the time that I didn't take before, to listen and give them the love they need. Trust me, it's not all peaches and cream, but at least I try my best, of course with loads of help from Him.

In 2011 we took a few trips, just to get out and do stuff we hadn't done before. We went to Disney, during spring break and to North Dakota, in July. We had such a great time during these trips, but I don't think it was so much, where we went, but that we were together.

2011 brought an end to me being on the NW Jensen Beach/US1 route, where I had been for about 8 years. I got bumped by the next senior driver to me, when we bid routes, which we do every 2 years. I'm now out west, near 95 and Kanner Hwy, which at first i thought to be some sort of spiritual punishment, but now realize it was so i could keep going in the right direction, as I grow closer to God, and what remains of my family.

2011 also brought me my first cellphone, EVER. I didn't go out and get one, but the one I had bought for the former Mrs. Cortes, was returned to me. I have no clue why someone would return a cellphone that has her number and contacts, but that's what happened, so I took it and have kept it till the end of the contract. Now that the contract is up and I can upgrade, i'm seriously thinking of going up to the iPhone, so we'll see what happens. Last year, I also joined facebook , where I've reconnected with some old friends, have currents friends and have met new friends. I currently have 375 friends, which amazes me, because i felt so alone at the beginning of the year.

In 2011, I put my love life on the back burner, while I put my girls first, in my life. We met so many people, some married, some single, that we started hanging out with. We've done movie's, bowling, parks and beaches, building friendships and getting a fresh start, on us. Time will tell how this works out for us.

The end of 2011 saw many new changes for me. I haven't been able to run, due to another injury, though I have pushed it, making some great gains in my quest for speed, but to the detriment of my injured leg. So now I'm just biking, swimming and lifting weights, till i can run again.

With my new, every other week, free time, I've also taken my life off the back burner, making friendships and have met a very special woman. We actually met on facebook. We messaged back and forth for awhile and decided to meet, face to face, where we continued to connect on many levels. We eventually started seeing each other and eventually became exclusive. My new love's name is Chenae Bertholf Jackson, whom I call, Sunshine. She is a divorced mom of 2, an 11 year old girl and 4 year old boy. She lives with her parents, and has been doing so for the past 3 years, moving there after separating from her husband in Washington state. She's been divorced for 3 years and just recently started dating.

I really had no interest in dating or romance, for that matter. I was absolutely NOT looking and am surprised at where life has taken me. So I am now looking forward to a brighter, much , much brighter, future. My girls get more one on one time with Dad, I am over the midway hump at work, with retirement far off on the horizon and my love life has greatly improved. I'm excited, and look forward to all God has to offer.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny how the world goes around. You destroyed two lives.